My mother-in-law died this summer. She was in her nineties and, over the previous years, her health had steadily declined. The month before her death, she became ill and, dramatically, more fragile. During this time, friends and loved ones visited and spent many special moments with her. In her final days, she was surrounded by her children and extended family, who prayed with her, and sang hymns with her, and reminisced about a life well lived.
Although the death of a loved one always brings some level of sadness, we were blessed that the Lord gave us the time to mentally and emotionally prepare.
She was prepared, too.
Spiritually, she was ready—and even excited—to meet Jesus. She had lived a life of strong but quiet faith. Throughout her lifetime, she had extended wisdom and grace to all, and raised up her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren to know the Lord. She was right with God, and was looking forward to hearing Him say, “Well done.”
But, even with all of this, once she died, we still felt a profound sense of loss. And, as prepared as we all were, uncertainty and anxiety set in, as—in the midst of our grief—we realized that there were things that needed to be done. People needed to be called. Papers needed to be signed. A death certificate needed to be issued. The obituary needed to be sent. The funeral service needed to be planned. Final expenses needed to be paid. And, despite our grief, all of this had to happen quickly.
She had lived with my sister-in-law and her family for many years. So, my sister-in-law had power of attorney and, although we had never seen the contents, my mother-in-law made sure we all knew where she kept a box containing the important information that would be needed after she died. But my husband and his siblings weren’t prepared for what they would find in the box she had safely stored under her couch for many years.
She had left detailed information for where and how she wanted to be buried, what she wanted for her memorial service—even listing the songs she’d like to have sung. And she had prepaid for everything…her cremation, her burial plot…Everything. She had no bills but, instead, she had left envelopes with a modest amount of cash for each of her children. And she had made a list of her possessions, thoughtfully earmarking something special to go to each of her children, to their spouses, and to each of her grandchildren.
My mother-in-law had not earned income or been financially responsible for others for a very long time, and she was not wealthy. But even with her modest means, the plans she made and the steps she took to take care of her financial affairs and final wishes was such a loving final act. And it was such a gift to all of us.
If you haven’t yet planned for your own final wishes and expenses, here are the things you can do now, to provide the gift of preparation to your loved ones:
1. Create a Will
- Clearly outline how you want your assets distributed.
- Name an executor to manage your estate.
2. Establish a Trust
- Consider setting up a trust to manage your assets and avoid probate.
- Specify terms for asset distribution and any ongoing management for beneficiaries.
3. Organize Important Documents
- Compile all important documents, such as birth certificates, marriage licenses, property deeds, and insurance policies.
- Store them in a secure, accessible place and inform a trusted person of their location.
4. Update Beneficiary Designations
- Review and update beneficiaries on life insurance policies, retirement accounts, and other financial accounts.
- Ensure they reflect your current wishes.
5. Prepare an Advance Directive
- Draft a living will to specify your medical wishes if you become unable to communicate.
- Appoint a healthcare proxy or durable power of attorney for healthcare.
6. Designate a Financial Power of Attorney
- Choose someone to manage your financial affairs if you become incapacitated.
7. Create a List of Accounts and Assets
- Document all bank accounts, investments, retirement accounts, real estate, and other assets.
- Include account numbers, contact information, and any relevant instructions.
8. Make Funeral and Burial Arrangements
- Pre-plan your funeral or memorial service to reduce the emotional and financial burden on loved ones.
- Consider pre-paying for services if possible.
9. Review and Update Insurance Policies
- Ensure you have adequate life insurance to cover outstanding debts, funeral expenses, and provide for your family.
- Review health, disability, and long-term care insurance to ensure comprehensive coverage.
10. Communicate Your Wishes
- Have open conversations with loved ones about your plans and wishes.
- Provide them with copies of key documents and instructions.
11. Pay Off Debts or Plan for Their Settlement
- Aim to clear outstanding debts or ensure there are clear plans to settle them after your death.
- This includes mortgages, loans, and credit cards.
12. Review and Update Regularly
- Revisit your estate plan periodically, especially after major life events (marriage, birth of a child, etc.).
- Ensure all documents and plans remain current and reflective of your wishes.
Although this may not be a topic we want to address when we’re young and healthy, none of us know how many days we have left on earth. It is wise and loving to take action while we’re able, to ensure that our death doesn’t add a burden of financial hardship to our loved ones, in the midst of their grief.
Christy Kohnle is a communications consultant and owner of Paradox Communications. She grew up in the Church and has been a life-long Christian, with a strong interest in Biblical financial stewardship. Christy has been managing the BOR communications since September, 2021.
